Some people are afraid of being too confident. They fear that they may have to be brash, loud and demanding in order to prove that they have the necessary confidence to assert themselves. But true confidence is often quiet and unassuming, because when a person is confident they have nothing to prove. They have a comfortable, relaxed presence and are able to just be themselves.
Confidence means many things:
– The courage to say what needs to be said. Saying 'yes' to everything and everyone can result in us feeling resentful and down trodden. Having the confidence to say 'no', but politely, firmly and with respect often generates a surprisingly non-hostile reception. Said with a smile and a firm voice 'no' often results in people being fine about it and happily finding another route to achieve what they want. They often appreciate the fact that we can not always do what they ask and oblige them.
– It gives a positive message to others about our levels of self-esteem and self-worth. Being confident gives a clear message to others about how we feel, and how we expect to be treated. They take more care in how they have with us, talk to us, what they ask of us and have more consideration in their dealings with us.
– The determination to do what needs to be done. Following other people's dreams and plans on their behalf can result in us existing rather than living. Deciding that the university route is not for us, or following into the family business is not what we want can be difficult to convey to an enthusiastic family. But being firm about it and sometimes offering an alternative, well thought out plan that better suits us can show that we are serious and have our own goals that motivate us to achieve.
– The inner resilience to dress and look in a way that feels right for us and our personality. Being quirky or original is fun but it can be seen as eccentric and inappropriate. There are times when we all have to consider the feelings of others in the way we dress. Respect for others is a reasonable concern, but it can be fun and innovative to dress in our own way and celebrate our own original look.
– The commitment to have the best friends and relationships that work for us. Some people are afraid of admitting who their friends or lovers are. They may feel that their family or inner circle may sneer or be condescending because they are different to them. Sexuality can sometimes come into this area of concern. People are sometimes concerned to admit that they are gay, or are dating out of their faith, ethnicity, or social class. Having the confidence to admit who we are and who we are friendly with can be liberating. Often our family and real friends want us to be happy.
Confidence is about being true to ourselves. It is about having the calm, inner sense of self, and not needing to shout about it or berate others to prove a point. Truly confident people are fine about what others say or think about them. They will listen to appropriate feedback and take it on board, but will still feel strongly about who they are and value that.